School Answering Machine

The company that produces automated phone response
recently updated their product to account for the
latest attitudes of parents in the U.S. The
following options tested very well among surveyed
teachers.

"Hello! You've reached the automated answering
service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right
staff member, please
listen to all your options before making a selection:

"To lie about why your child is absent -- Press 1.

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his
work -- Press 2.

"To complain about what we do -- Press 3.

"To swear at staff members -- Press 4.

"To ask why you didn't get information that was
already enclosed in your
newsletter and several flyers mailed to you --
Press 5.

"If you want us to raise your child -- Press 6.

"If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit
someone -- Press 7.

"To request another teacher for the third time
this year -- Press 8.

"To complain about bus transportation -- Press 9.

"To complain about school lunches -- Press 0.

"If you realize this is the real world and your
child must be
accountable and responsible for his/her own
behavior, class work, and
homework and that it's not the teacher's fault for
your child's lack of
effort -- Hang up and have a nice day!"